Another Kind of Pain

This story was written a long time ago, and although it would qualify for this week's Friday challenge by its topic, it probably took more than a week to write, so I am not entering it. My entry for this week is the post below.

Lynis gazed steadily up through the ceiling of the water above her head, waiting for the man to pass by in his bright green boat. Her long, golden hair drifted slowly with the small currents as she hung motionless in the water. She came as often as she could to watch the man row past on top of the waves, but always she was afraid someone would see her.

She peered at a spot far away on the surface. Yes, now she was sure it was the boat. The ends of the paddles dipped swiftly and rhythmically into the top of the bay. When he finally passed overhead he was still far above her, but she dared not go any higher for fear he might see her. He was young and strong looking, and he had light brown hair. She watched until he had disappeared in the distance, then slowly turned to swim back home in the deepest part of the bay.

Every time she saw the man, her desire to be human grew stronger. She wondered what it would really be like. It couldn’t be as bad as her parents and everyone had told her. And she knew there had been some sea people who had become human and had never come back. In fact, she had heard that Old Murella’s sister had been one of those. An idea shaped itself in Lynis’ mind, and she swam faster.

Old Murella lived on the edge of the underwater town, in a small cave-house. She lived alone. When Lynis arrived at her door, she graciously welcomed her.

“What is it, Child? You are troubled.”

Lynis gathered her courage to her. “I have a confession. I have gone many times to watch a human man ride his boat across the surface of the water. I knew this was forbidden, but I went anyway, first because I was curious, and then because … because I wanted to become human myself.” Her voice died away into silence. Old Murella’s face was grave, but still kind, and that encouraged Lynis to go on.

“I have heard our people say that your sister became human, and I thought perhaps you knew the secret.”

Old Murella answered slowly. “Yes I know the secret.”

“Will you tell it to me?”

Old Murella as silent for a long time before she answered. “It is a potion. If you were to drink it, your tail would divide into two parts which would become legs. Then you would no longer look like a mermaid, but like a human.”

Lynis interrupted eagerly. “Do you have any of this potion?”

“Yes, Child. But that is not all that happens. When you reach the lands outside the sea, every step you take on your human legs will bring you pain.”

“But surely I could bear that pain. Do we not have pain here also?”

“That is true. And my sister has told me that the pain is quite easily born after a while. But there is more in the secret. At first, even though you will look like a human, you will still be a mermaid inside. You will long for the sea and for your own people. This is the hardest part, and when my sister told me about it, I decided not to become human myself.

“But afterwards there is a change. I will never forget the last time my sister came out to the middle of the sea in a boat to speak with me. That was many years ago. She spoke of another kind of pain. She could not explain it to me and I could not understand. She said it came from inside oneself, but yet unwillingly.”

“Is that pain great?” Lynis asked hesitatingly.

“I think it is, but my sister spoke as though she were glad to have received it. She said she had at last truly become human.”

Both were silent with their own thoughts. Then Lynis asked, “If I were not happy as a human, could I ever become a mermaid again?”

“There is a way, but I do not know it. However, the voice of the sea that comes out of the sea foam, can tell you.”

Lynis’ thoughts focused to a decision. “I want to drink the potion.”

Old Murella talked with her a while longer to make her think of all the consequences, but Lynis did not change her decision, so she gave her a tiny amber-tinted, glass bottle, and told her to drink it near the edge of the bay.

Soon afterward Lynis found an opportunity to go to the top of the water, and this time she swam farther than she ever had before. When she neared the edge of the bay, she opened the bottle and drank quickly. Feeling rushed over her like a huge wave, leaving a residue of pain, which rapidly grew stronger. She looked down at her new legs, and then stood up in the shallow water. As she walked slowly toward the beach, sharp, biting pains shot up from her feet.

Once on the beach, she looked back at the shimmering water. The foam on the tops of the waves reminded here through the pain of her feet that she should ask the secret of becoming a mermaid again. She shouted the question out across the bay. The answer came back in a liquid whisper.

“On the high rocks behind you, there grows a weed watered by the sea. If you eat it, the pain in your legs will go away, for you will again have a mermaid’s tail. But if you have another kind of pain, it will always remain with you.”

Lynis stood for a moment, looking at the waves rushing softly onto the beach and listening to the sounds of the sea. Then she turned her back to it and slowly began making her way inland.

The first house she saw was on a small farm, and there was a woman working in the garden outside. She took pity on Lynis and gave her food and clothing, and later, when she and her husband discovered that Lynis had no home, they took her as their own daughter, for they had only a son. He was the young man Lynis had watched many times from under the water, and his name was Paul.

As the days passed, Lynis came to love Paul and his family with a stronger love than any she had ever known, and soon she realized she wished to marry him. But he loved a girl who lived on a nearby farm. Lynis tried in every way she could to turn his love to herself, but to no avail.

One day she saw Paul and the girl Joan preparing to go out on the bay in Paul’s boat. Lynis became very unhappy. She had often wanted to go with Paul in his boat, and now he was taking Joan. She watched them move slowly out on the lake, and the longing she felt grew rapidly into an ugly hate. She ran down to the water’s edge. As she looked out at the boat in the middle of the bay, tears came into her eyes and spilled into the sea. The rippling voice of the Sea spoke softly.

“Why do you weep, Daughter?”

Lynis told her unhappiness to the waves and asked what she should do.

“I will help you,” was the whispered answer. “What do you wish to happen?”

Instantly Lynis replied, “I want her to die. Then Paul will love me.” As soon as she had spoken, she wished she had not, but it was too late. The sea was rising swiftly and violently. Thundering waves crashed over the tiny boat in the bay. A huge mountain of water came up underneath it and overturned it.

Lynis could not see what had happened to the two small figures in the water. Without realizing it, she was calling, “Paul! Paul!” She was on her knees begging the sea to give Paul to her. Wave after wave rushed onto the beach with a roar. After an endless time, she caught sight of a dark object riding on the top of an approaching wave. Then she was in the water, swimming with all her strength, grabbing hold of the body, dragging it out onto the sand. His eyes were closed, but just as she was giving up hope, he coughed weakly. Sobbing softly against his wet shirt, she could say nothing.

Paul sat up suddenly as he remembered what had happened.

“Joan! Where’s Joan!” He turned abruptly to Lynis. “What happened to her? Where is she?”

“She is dead. The sea took her.”

For a long, sickening moment, Paul looked into her eyes with utter agony and despair. Then he stood up slowly and walked away along the water’s edge, his head bowed and his shoulders shaking. Lynis sat unmoving on the sand. The full knowledge of what she had done to Paul was upon her. Never would she forget the pain in his eyes—the pain she had given him.

As the long months passed, Lynis’ one purpose was to take the pain out of Paul’s eyes. When Paul laughed, Lynis was happy; when he sat in the darkness, looking out the window toward the bay, then she tried desperately to distract him from his thoughts. Slowly, ever so slowly, he laughed more and looked at the sea less. Finally came the time when Lynis realized with a leap of her heart that Paul was beginning to love her. There was a new look in his eyes.

One day he smiled and said, “You’ve been good to me, Lynis. Always kind, and never hurting me.”

As Lynis smiled in return and turned back to her sewing, the vivid memory of the two small figures in the tossing waves rose viciously in her mind. Once more she saw Paul’s look of despair, and once more she felt the terror of knowing she had caused it.

It was not long afterwawrd that she knew Paul had realized he loved her. Soon he would ask her to marry him. Lynis thought about that often, but the happiness of it was always taken away by the memory of the pain she had given Paul. Again and again she saw the violent sea, and Paul walking away with bowed head. She tried to push the pictures out of her mind, but others replaced them. Joan’s face. The waves crashing on the beach. And Paul’s eyes. Always Paul’s eyes.

“Will I never be rid of this unhappiness?” she asked herself. She knew she could not marry Paul if she saw pain in his eyes instead of love, every time he looked at her.

Then a terrifying thought came to her. “If I could give him pain once, I might do so again!” A flood of fear swept through her. She found herself running down to the beach, then scrambling on the jagged rocks, grasping at the tall weeds. Her trembling hands pushed the pointed leaves into her mouth. Her teeth chewed rapidly. She swallowed. Immediately she felt a great longing to be in the water. She ran and splashed into the cool, gentle waves. The sea foam swished softly around her face and hair, welcoming her. She realized with delight that the sensation of coolness was really the absence of the constant pain in her legs. Once more she had a tail. She had almost forgotten what it was like to be without pain.

Lynis paused in her frolicking. Had she said “without pain?” The familiar memory of Paul’s face rose before her. But this time there was a new agony in his eyes. She knew he would look that way when he discovered she was gone. She felt the old terror of knowing she had given him pain, and almost like a visible thing, she felt another kind of pain reflected in her own heart. She had never felt this kind of pain before. Instinctively, she knew that only a human heart could contain it. At last she had learned what it meant to become human.

Sorrowfully she turned downward into the deeper water, to swim forever with the heart of a human and the tail of a fish.